I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
