Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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