Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
