She said her name was "party"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
