giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
