Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize