Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
