i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
