that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
