I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
