Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
