So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
