I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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