Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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