Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
