You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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