I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
