my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
