took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
