I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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