i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
