If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
