I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
