She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize