Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
