so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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