Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
