The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
