Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
