Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
