so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
