even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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