I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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