i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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