I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
