these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
