but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
