But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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