I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
