She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
