On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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