Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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