If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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