U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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