turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
