Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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