Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
