You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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