I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
