I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
