Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
