Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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