I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
