Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
