saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
