Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
