I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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