i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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