the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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